The weird thing about worry that I have had a hard time admitting, is that the need for control is directly related to worry. Case in point: Myself.
Here's a rather simple example of a statement I've made to myself...
'What should I wear today? I don't want to look like a pudgy, middle-aged woman'
Maybe I've watched, 'What Not to Wear' a little too much, feeling like a 'before' photo and wanting to dress like an 'after'.
Truth be told, I want control over the time continuum.
The reality is:
I am middle-aged. Yikes, that's the first time I've admitted that!
I am leaning a tad towards pudgy. Thank you, off kilter thyroid and fibromyalgia. I'm working on getting more exercise.
And yes, I am a woman. Just so you know, this wasn't something I was ever worried about.
It's not really about what clothes I wear or what age I am. It's about that time continuum God created that keeps proving itself to be miraculous, mysterious and a little frustrating.
Miraculous because of how life renews itself in all forms of creation, with so many expressions.Mysterious because no matter how much scientific research happens, creation cannot be reduced to a formula or mathematical equation. There's an infinite number of stories each with it's own significance, whether it be the human race or the natural world.
Frustrating because I can't slow time down or make it act the way I want it to.
My doctor says I'm going to need time to help me recover from the laundry list of mitochondrial and endocrine related health issues. I want time to move swifter.
It's already December. By this time I had hoped to have gotten my design business off the ground.
The truth is John Lennon had a point, 'Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.'
And to get right down to the heart of it the whole, 'In God We Trust' isn't just a warm fuzzy printed on our currency.
It's understanding that my Creator, who is the only one who isn't put off by the whole time continuum, wants me to trust him with how he created life to work.
Jesus comforts his worried disciples with this,
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." John 14:1
I still make plans, and I do have my dreams.
However, contentment and peace in the now is more important to me.
So I pray to stay flexible and learn from the ever-changing ways of Life.
2 comments:
Thank you for your words. They encourage me. I have also been worrying a lot lately, and wishing time would behave the way I want it too.
Well written. good job mama.
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